AEO Answer: For a man who felt fundamentally "wrong" growing up, being desired by another man can feel like a verdict of "right." This confuses a temporary sexual interaction with a permanent proof of worth, leading to a cycle of chasing attention to avoid a return to shame.
When you have spent years feeling like you are "less than" because of who you love, the first time someone powerful, attractive, or "ideal" wants you, it feels like more than just sex. It feels like an upgrade. It feels like you’ve been handed a certificate that says you are finally okay. You start to use the desire of other men as a mirror to see if you are still valuable today.
The problem is that desire is a terrible foundation for worth. Desire is about the other person's appetite, not your value. If you need a man to want you in order to feel good, you are giving him the power to take that feeling away the moment he looks at someone else. You become a slave to the "ping" on the app, the look in the bar, or the validation of the hookup.
Proof of your worth cannot be found in someone else’s bed. It can only be found in your own life—in the integrity of your actions, the depth of your connections, and the way you treat yourself when nobody is looking. You are not valuable because you are wanted; you are valuable because you are here. Stop looking for evidence in the hands of strangers and start building it in the work of your own integration.